The picture above shows a happy family where no one suffers from bug bites and no one has a toothache. It was taken at our old house many years ago when the boys were still little;) and we lovingly refer to it as the Griswalks family Christmas portrait. But today–all is not well…………
I’m eating/drinking breakfast and it’s 3am. I’m on a diet. I’ve been on a diet now for a week and I’m getting a bit slap happy. My arms feel like limp rags from all the weighted exercises and my stomach muscles are slowly returning from a comatose state.
I’m drinking my Slimfast shake at 3am cause I’m getting ready to go to bed and my half eaten deli sandwich from 7pm earlier won’t make it a few more hours. How come I only got a few bites of my sandwich—well….While we were eating at –Chick A Burgers—- for supper, MrD bit down on something in his sandwich that turned him in to a helpless 2 year old.
His eyes watered up, he went completely white, and he looked like a deer in the head lights. I looked at his sandwich and immediately starting dissecting it. I didn’t find anything but we had to leave quickly and get him home. I tried to call his dentist but he insist on going later today and not causing so much fuss.
So he came home and got drugged up on what pain killers we had and then zombied out on the couch. I got on the computer and googled dangerous side affects for the spouse of someone with a toothache. I was in grave danger so I sat real still and willed the house to stay calm. Once he went to bed, I started some laundry and now I’m telling you about the whole deal. I can type without aggravating him.
In the middle of his laying on the couch episode, I had a near death experience with something that flew out of the corner of my bad eye and right down my shirt. Lord help–I had to battle that thing under subdued circustances. You know I can’t see too well out my left eye and this thing must have known cause that is surely where he chose to ascend from. For all I knew it could have been a thirsty blood seeking bat. In my mind it was as big as a horse. We do have a problem around here with bats the size of horses and they do fly down people’s shirts. Reports of it every night on the news.
Normally I’d tear my clothes off and run naked to the nearest shower but MrD was in no mood for vibrations. So I calmly tiptoed out of the room and once out of sight—shed my clothes to discover a spider was crawling across my slightly overweight upper private area. This meant undergarments had to come off too.
I think it bit me! It had 4 legs on one side so seems it was an arachnid! I smashed that spider in to more parts than it was born with. It was D.E. A. D.! It must have died hungry cause there aren’t enough calories in me to sustain us both. Anyway I got a little red bump between the two other bumps and I’m hoping that doesn’t make me a freak of nature in the morning.
I would hate to faint in the dentist office with MrD under the knife and me with abnormal markings and all. You can understand can’t you? So I have waited up to make sure that spider bite has not pumped venom from that spot located close to my heart where he gnawed a hole the size of Texas. I’m also not fond of losing a major female attribute. I’ve heard of those who have lost limbs due to some strange insect bite.
I bet that spider was thinking that his day went from bad to worse. First he’s feeding from some malnourished victim and then he dies. He never even got a chance to sell his AIG stock before the government paid bonuses to the top 100 salesmen.
So I’m going to put my tired worried self to bed and ya’ll live on tomorrow knowing I’ll be ok. Can’t say the same for MrD. He’s got to see the dentist.