Worms on Junk Food

mononchidae_eating_a_mononchidae_1This is a monochidae eating a monochidae . Thanks to Wikipedia for capturing this brutal moment. Will they stop at nothing?

How do you tell the difference between healthy earthworms and those on junk food?

The worms eating potato chips, pressure treated wood, fries, vinegar, and consuming large amounts of alcohol will be dead. That’s how you know they aren’t healthy. You’ll most likely find these worms at construction sites, outside bars, eating at McDonalds, and everywhere you find large amounts of vinegar. It’s not always the worm’s fault. Some have to work in this environment.

What is healthy for a worm? If a worm eats a shredded $20 bill will his castings be worth more? Can they eat a $20 bill?

Paper money is made of 25% linen and 75% cotton. Both are biodegradable and organic which is the food source for worms. Worms will eat parts of decomposing animals but it’s not their preferred food source.  Earthworms don’t know the difference between a $20 bill and Monopoly money. Sorry. And you shouldn’t add too much money as it has additives and oils from your fingers that might not be too healthy for their digestive system. The digestive system makes up most of their body and there is nothing worse than a constipated worm.

You can try and tell your plants that you are feeding them some expensive organics to make them happy. If you lie to your plants too much they’ll stop believing you. Did you know that worms in your garden soil give your plants antibiotics and natural insecticides? They produce these chemicals as part of their daily routine while watching TV and knitting. Plants that absorb the nutrients in the soil will also uptake the byproducts of the worms thus helping them to resist pest and disease. The plants may also develop a certain preference for the same favored TV shows as the worms watch. That’s not proven but it is logical.

At 3 months old, worms are adults and ready to produce about 3 cocoons a week assuming a bird didn’t eat them first. Did you know that birds eat worms mostly in the Spring? The baby birds need protein. Once the chicks are raised, the birds prefer grains and seeds for the carbohydrate levels. If I was a worm, I’d wait till Autumn to cross the road.

The worm cocoons take 11 weeks to hatch out 3 more little worms. Healthy worms have both male and female parts so they don’t need a partner. They are also very kind and loving with their 5 hearts.

Worms eat dirt as they absorb food. They need the gritty granules to help break apart the food. They have gizzard where the food is broken down to useful parts.  That’s why you see a little dirt pellet trail in the garden. They are thrilled you noticed.

Worms don’t drown in water as long as oxygen molecules exist there. The reason you see them come to the service during rain is so they can travel more easily. They can’t travel when the sun is out or they will die in minutes and you’ll be facing a lawsuit. They’ll sue you cause there was no warning that worm frying conditions might be present when the clouds go away.

The phone book has several Nematode Lawyers should you need one or should the worms need legal advice. The things you don’t know could bring financial doom. Worms are notorious for taking these cases all the way to the Supreme Court–and winning.

So see–we all knew it was good to have worms in the garden and knew to be careful about their environment. Kill the worms and you take away natural antibiotics and pest repellants.

7 Comments Add yours

  1. Jen says:

    Funny AND educational! I was beginning to wonder when I’d start seeing the worms but I guess it isn’t warm enough yet. My worms enjoy wood chips. Last year I put a few on the pool cover for the robins that were nesting. They were my best friends after that.


  2. Darla says:

    We have seriously happy and healthy worms in our soil!!


  3. Melanthia says:

    This was great, Anna. We’re just starting worm composting (3 whole worms – a project for the little guy). All this was very interesting and timely.


  4. Phillip (UK) says:

    Fascinating. Darwin was a great gardener and did a lot of work to prove the usefulness of the humble earthworm. The number per acre are a very good indication of the health of the soil. Enjoyed this (though not the picture – too much violence!)


  5. Janet says:

    So I guess the next question is if you do vermicomposting? I am thinking of doing it, but not sure how large to go… need to check with a few folks.
    No, I don’t raise worms in the house ;). I do however raise them in the garden beds. I make sure they have plenty to eat and can make all the babies they can. I do feed them out there. They like that leaf mulch.


  6. Deb says:

    I got a mental image of worms on bar stools swilling beer and eating out of a bowl of potato chips, hahaha.
    You’ve been watching my worms!


  7. joey says:

    Ah, I’m speechless, Anna. Very interesting … lucky for me, my garden is an earthworm’s heaven 🙂 What happens to them in winter? Do they go south … or wiggle a hole to China?
    They do both..they burrow more deeply if they are of a certain variety. They also slow their metabolism and go into a semi sleep state. Cocoons won’t hatch till soil temps are about 50 degrees. Worms live from 1 to 20 years depending on the variety.


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